numb knees.
my mouth movies in silent prayer,
while sweat pools, cooling my face.
serenity, i don’t know the feeling.
only my own anxieties tinting my vision
my breath comes out in gasps;
fear clouding my vision, burning metallic in my throat.
i cannot remember what they said in church,
it never struck a chord,
i never thought that i
would find myself here,
kneeling in at the foot of my bed,
my knees slowly going numb,
and the clock tick-tick-ticking in my ear.
when you talk to god what do you say?
when you’ve left the phone off the hook for so long?
forgetting about old what’s-his-name when things are going fine.
what would he say if he answered at all?
i never thought i would want this,
never thought i would need
something, anything, to keep my fear away
never thought i would look at my own muttered words
for promises and everything-will-be-rights.
and now i’m here,
i’m feeling foolish,
talking to my walls,
and now i wonder if there is anything really there at all.
